I miss you today...

...when I woke up you were not the first one to wish me a happy birthday.
... because I don't feel extra special today, like the way you used to make me feel.
... when I walk into my bedroom today there will be no You waiting for me with your sweet smile.
... I will have no (your usual special) roses today.
... I will forever miss your special cards that you so lovingly created for me each year.
... I am another year old in my life, a life thats without you.

In the hospital room

At the seaside with me and Samiha.

No words

Sorry to any and all who come to read updates here, latley I have not been able to write much. There is one thing , whoever came up with the saying "time heals all wounds" was either a liar or never dealt with any heartache in life.

I MISS YOU...

...A LOT

Things we would be, could be doing if you were here (4)

........summer is here, you would soon be having holidays and we would be spending lazy summer days at home, together.
........you would have been me my plus one at last night's dinner, and I wouldn't have felt so alone.
........we would be getting our daily icy smoothies in the evenings.

Just Sami

Back during his healthy days, a fine friday afternoon on our way to my parent's for lunch.

Moments in Sarcoma

Lots of new enteries in 'Moments in Sarcoma', very touching, most brought tears to my eyes, its like reading your own story even though its not.

http://www.team-sarcoma.net/category/moments-in-sarcoma

The Notebook

We both loved this movie so much, it would have been such a blessing if we had a Notebook ending, but I am very unforunate there. I will share a little secret, on his last day Sami was only communicating with moving his head for a while as he was hooked up wth a lot of machines, a lot of us were there for him that day, I sat my his bedside, holding his hand and I remembered The Notebook and whispered in his ear 'wouldn't that be perfect now', he agreed with moving his head and then came the tears in his eyes.

Sami and American Idol

Sami liked watching it, I remember he was so pissed when Daughtry and Bo Bice were eliminated in previous seasons and I pretty sure he would not be to happy with yesterday's results either.
His favourite ever was Constantine.

Open Letter

Idea from tpf, posted this there as well

Dear love,

I miss you so much, still every morning I say 'Good morning love' to you and still wish you 'Good night', I hope you are listening.

Yours forever,
Me

This picture was taken in Oct 2008, we were going to a party, the last we ever attended together.

Thoughts

How time flys and Life stands still, atleast for me.
Its been 8 months since Sami's gone, if I look at it in one way, I amazed as it just feels like yesterday that Sami was next to me laughing and talking, but when I count the months I feel its just going to fast for me, time is passing me by.
I miss you Sami.

I cannot bring myself to.....

...go watch the new Fast & Furious, coz it was an our thing!
...go see a doctor about this nagging cough coz You used to drag me everytime, and I hate hospitals now.
...go into our ex-bedroom, I feel my heart ripping inside when I do!

........

Everything about life is so amazing, the way we come into this world and they way we leave, I believe every one leaves their mark on the world in some way, may it be by doing something big to be remembered for or just by doing some little things. Some people and I think Sami is one of them, just leave love behind, yes LOVE, lots and lots of it. He made me feel like a princess all the time, I have told this to a lot of you before! He made me feel good about myself, made me feel beautiful, wanted; I don't feel any of those anymore....
Its so weird but in a good way, that I spent my entire life being me except for the 7 years me and Sami were together, however I cannot think or do anything without remembering how he did things or how we did it together, I think when you are truly in love with someone your entire life, your entire being becomes as one, even the most simplest things you do, you might not notice this on a regular basis, but just think about it and you will know what I am talking about. A lot of things me and Sami did became our things, I am still doing our things, and I don’t remember how to do my things anymore.

Do you have OUR THINGS with your partners? Tell me something, just one thing!

Simple yet beautiful moments

Last night while trying to sleep I was flicking through channels and the movie "Just Married " was on, remember the scence when that huge coakroach is on Ashton Kutcher's face, Sami used to find it so funny , that he watched it over and over and laughed harder everytime! Sometimes when the movie would come on TV, he would make me watch it just for that particular scene. So while watching it last night I laughed too :)